Each individual is special in their own ways. For parents, it is very important that they should observe their children starting from the time that we see them become observant and interactive. This is a major factor to consider so that we can be able to formulate the correct and appropriate parenting style necessary for each and every child that we take care of.
Most parents are unaware of the fact that how they talk, interact and discipline their children falls under several styles of parenting. Usually these innate actions are due to our “motherly” or even, for males, “fatherly” instincts that comes along as soon as the baby is conceived. Psychologists have shaved these methods down to four types of “Parenting Skills.”
These skills can either be innate from our own perception of parenting or be a handed down tradition that we have once experienced with our own parents when we were kids. Parenting styles can even be learned from professionals through books, blogs and other sources of information.
The Authoritarian way of parenting depicts a scenario where the parents makes a set of rules that the child must follow. These rules governs how the child would act in different cases and how they should “behave” accordingly.
Failure of the child to follow these set of rules will result in consequences that will most probably be in a form of a punishment. When the child questions the rules that the parents establishes, these authoritarian parents will just reply with the infamous “because I said so.”
It seems like this method of parenting style has a plus side of enforcing optimum control over the child but it also has its consequences that will reflect once the child gets older. These children who experience this strict method throughout their developing stages will become hostile or aggressive as they may focus more on being angry at their parents for the punishment over figuring out what they did wrong and learning from it. They would also be more dependent on the rules that were set rather than learning how to make decisions and solve problems based.
Based on my own experience, this is the best method to use during the earliest part of your child’s development which is the “Catering” phase. Since your young one still lacks the capacity to fully conceptualize what is right from wrong or having to make decisions on their own, making rules for them is very essential.
But also take into consideration that these “rules” would not hinder your child from exploring, wondering and learning. This was the backbone of my parenting style. As parents, you must always remember that in their early stages, they will do what they want, when they want it. These rules will be your guiding force so that the child will know that not everything they do is appropriate and once they cross the line, certain consequences will be enforced.
This method is similar to the “Authoritarian” style but with a few additions. The child will similarly get a set of rules that they must follow. But this time around, there are exceptions to each rules depending on the scenario the child encounters.
This parenting method allows the child and parent to discuss why the rules are there and why they will be consequences if these rules were to be broken. This is the current parenting strategy that I am using. Even though my daughter still lacks the capacity to communicate to me verbally, I know that she understands why she is reprimanded when she does something wrong.
I always remind myself that this particular stage of her development can make or break her as a person in the years to come. So I always explain to her why these rules are set and that it is for her own good. I also use the reward and praise method each time she does something good or does something to impress me. For example, if she recites the whole alphabet or count one to ten, I always stop what I do and praise her to show how proud I am of her and that I am always attentive in whatever she does.
Parents who go by the saying “kids will be kids” fall under the category of permissive parenting. This type of parenting method does not support too much discipline and would allow the child to do whatever they want unless major misbehaviors are made.
Those that are using the permissive method tend to be more of a “friend” rather than a “parent” to their children. This lenient style of parenting can cause major emotional and mental issues once the child enters young adulthood.
Children would tend to have this type of upbringing can have academic issues and would fail to acknowledge authority. They can also suffer from low self-esteem and emotional instability that can result in despondency.
As for my opinion, this can be done when your child is around her teen years. During that crucial stage of your child’s lives, they would be more open to you if you approach them as if you are their friend. But I would still keep in mind that there is still a line that must be followed. That firstly, I am still her mother and that being her “friend” still has its boundaries.
Uninvolved parenting are probably due to the fact that these parents have several issues that they themselves are undergoing. Some of these factors include mental health issues, substance abuse, unwanted pregnancies and many more. There are also instances that lack of appropriate education and adequate information about proper parenting and child development can result in this childrearing style.
These parents tend to lack the ability to provide the basic needs of their child and expect that their children would care for themselves on their own. Basically, the child would lack the needed parenteral nurturing that is essential in order to hone their personality and how they would strive as adults in the near future.
For me, this type of parenting can be avoided with the help of proper education. In addition, a strong support system is a must especially for parents who are unsure if they are fit to take the roles of mothers and fathers. Having a tight family unit can make a huge impact on how the new parents will handle their upcoming roles and how they will care for their unborn child.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had a very difficult pregnancy. I could not count the times that I was rushed to hospitals due to complications. I was even given more than ten medications a day just to help me and my child reach full term. To top it off, I was in bedrest starting from my fourth month up until I gave birth. That included the dreaded no walking or bathroom use for the remaining five months of my pregnancy.
Without the help of my family and doctor, I don’t think that I would be able to be strong enough to push through with my pregnancy. This just goes to show that parenting starts from the time your child is conceived and we, as parents have the obligation to study, learn and enhance our knowledge towards proper child care and growth.
The best advice I can give you when it comes to the best parenting skill to choose for your child is to first know your kid. Always remember that each child has their own special way of communicating, conceptualizing and understanding that needs to be addressed accordingly. Finally, do not stick on just on parenting skill. Take time to assess the right approach you would make that will benefit both you and your child.