Factors That Affect Your Parenting Progress

Factors That Might Affect Your Parenting

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and you’re doing it all for free. Sometimes it consumes you in all aspects of life (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially). But it is also the most rewarding of all. How would you know if your parenting is on-track? How do you know if your personal relationships, your job, and your overall situation are affecting your parenting?

 

Post-Partum Depression

It will always be a beautiful expectation that after giving birth, everything is just rainbows and hearts. No one will see your battle scars, no one will know what you really feel inside. The only people that will understand you are the people who went through the same, exact thing.

My Story

When I found out that I was pregnant, I was the happiest person in the world. Who wouldn’t be? This was my dream. This was everything I’ve ever wanted. Everything I lived for is having a baby of my own, someone to take care of and give all my love. This was the only thing that I was certain of. But what hit me after giving birth is something that I will never forget.

They said it was hormones. Yes, it was, partly. Everything is a blur after you get that little human out of you. But was it supposed to be like this? A heartbreaking, emotionally consuming sadness that will eat you up even though you try to fight it. “I was prepared”, I told myself over and over again as if it would make a difference. But that was the whole point. I was prepared for everything but this. The constant screaming during diaper changes, crying during dressing, basically he’s crying every time he’s awake. Waking hours are screaming hours.

Way back, I remember thinking to myself, is having a newborn really this hard? I just gave birth via C-section and yet I’m rocking my baby endlessly to sleep, and I can’t put him down because he doesn’t want to. I can’t sit down because he doesn’t want me to. These occurrences made me search online for whatever it was that he was screaming about, asking every mom I know, because I was really feeling that I suck at parenting. But guess what? I’m not doing anything wrong. It was just my baby’s personality.

How I Fought

This even pushed me down to a more miserable feeling: “So I have to put up with this until God knows when?” Minutes seem like hours, days seem like weeks, weeks seem like months. I always catch myself counting the seconds until he falls asleep, only to be startled by his screaming because apparently, I didn’t rock him in the position he likes, or the speed he prefers. This feeling sucked me in like a black hole. I was so stuck in this feeling that I didn’t know how or when I will recover.

Right at the beginning, I knew I was depressed. I just didn’t want to believe it, because I know that I’m a strong woman. For months, I denied this illness even though I constantly have suicidal thoughts. Most of the time, I want to give my baby up for adoption. I didn’t have the money for a psychiatrist, too, so I just kept it all to myself. Sharing my feelings was not an option because I had no one. I tried to look for other moms going through the same thing as me. But I just can’t seem to find my perfect match.

No one understands me completely, even my family. I only have myself to help me, and I did. “Fake it ‘til you make it” actually works in this situation. I faked my happiness at first until I really began to see the joy in everything. I prayed my way into recovery because I know that only God and myself can help me at this point.

Why I’m Sharing My Story With You

I am pretty sure that I’m one of the worse ones. If I can recover, then so can you. First, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Second, no one can ever be prepared for this. This is a condition that either you will have or you won’t. Having your mind set on pure happiness can be of help, but not always.Make sure that you have a lot of positive people around you, to spread some positive vibes. Prepare yourself a steady support group that can help you in any way possible, like doing chores in the house that you can’t do yourself, taking care of the baby for a while by doing the diaper changing, feeding, bathing, playing.

Make sure that you have a lot of positive people around you, to spread some positive vibes. Prepare yourself a steady support group that can help you in any way possible, like doing chores in the house that you can’t do yourself, taking care of the baby for a while by doing the diaper changing, feeding, bathing, playing. Get help if you need help. You should never be afraid of asking for help especially when you need it. Pride will only pull you deeper into agony. Also, never doubt yourself that you can get out of this situation. All women recover at some point but just have patience. After everything that has happened, you will be proud to say that you are a true survivor.

Working full-time

We all know the sacrifice parents make when they choose to work full-time:

  • Loss of time – Their time and attention are divided in half. Some are working in 8-hour shifts, some up to 12 hours. Depending on the time of their shift, they may be working through the morning, afternoon or night. Any of these three you will be assigned to, you are sacrificing something, either loss of sleep or loss of time for your baby.
  • Your child will be closer to his/her caretaker – Because your baby’s time is more with his/her caretaker, they will bond much more. It is more appropriate that the caretaker you choose to be with your baby is someone very close to you, too, like your partner, your mother/father or a relative.
  • You dont want to, but you have too – You can’t help but feel guilty about what you’re doing, but you have no choice but to accept it. You are actually working and committing full-time to give your children a better life, the same time you are not being with them when you need to be. It’s a difficult choice, but this is a choice that parents have to take when they absolutely have to.

Good Marriage vs Bad Marriage

Couples who have a good relationship with each other reflects on their children. When a relationship is smooth sailing, both the mother and the father are in a bliss and are secure. It would show within their actions and how they converse that they are happy and in love. There will also be fewer arguments, therefore, less negativity inside the house. Studies show that babies as young as 3 months can pick up vibes, emotionally and verbally, so they know if something is not right.

Being in-tune with each other helps especially when you have a baby because babies magnify any weakness that couples have in their relationship. If you two have problems in compromising, then most likely, you will argue even at the tiniest thing, like deciding on what your baby should wear. Broken families are a big deal, and is one of the biggest influences in an individual’s personality. As much as possible, never settle in a relationship that you know will not be a good foundation for starting a family.

Being in-tune with each other helps especially when you have a baby because babies magnify any weakness that couples have in their relationship. If you two have problems in compromising, then most likely, you will argue even at the tiniest thing, like deciding on what your baby should wear. Broken families are a big deal, and is one of the biggest influences in an individual’s personality. As much as possible, never settle in a relationship that you know will not be a good foundation for starting a family.

Father figure/Dad’s role

Having a present father figure has all its perks in every aspect of parenting:

  • Emotionally – A child looks up to his/her father as a model of strength and willfulness, someone who can make a decision and command attention and respect. For a male child, this is almost like a basic need. Although a male child thrives normally in his mother’s care, having a father figure helps in the sense of having a model of emotional expressions that a child benefits from when growing up and facing new challenges in life.
  • Academically – Having a present father figure affects a child’s academic abilities because there are other subjects or learning that a father naturally knows better than the mother. Fathers also have different teaching styles that can impact a child’s learning strategy.
  • Socially – By having a present father figure, a child will learn gender stereotypes and norms. Though they will learn in the future that these should be avoided, at least they have a basic sense of what socially acceptable behaviors are.
  • Father-son bond – Fathers bond with their sons in ways that a mother cannot. They have a special relationship that only them can understand and it is just between the two of them. Sons look up to their father as what a man should be, and he becomes the guide that the son follows as he goes through life. A special father-son bond influences aspects such as friendships, romantic involvement, and work ethic.
  • Father-daughter bond – Daughters have a very special love for their fathers. Some call them their first love, their heroes, and they become their daughter’s guide when looking for ideal partners in life. Girls also have more self-worth and self-confidence when they have a father figure who appreciates them and takes care of them as they are growing up.

Being a single parent

How being single affects your parenting depends on a lot of factors. Some single parents have other people to support and help them in raising a child. Some still have their families, some have their friends, some are completely alone. Whatever situation they may be in, a single dad/mom has his/her choice to be an ideal parent or not. Being a single parent is hard work, sometimes emotions come in as to why they are single in the first place, but they have a child to prioritize before themselves. It may become overwhelming because they are the only ones that their child depends on, physically and emotionally, but one benefit of being a single parent is that there is no one to fight with about who’s going to do what. It is emotionally tiring and rewarding at the same time.

 

Source:

The Benefits of Having a Present Father Figure

http://www.parenting.com/article/the-marriage-factor

https://ifstudies.org/blog/how-marriage-decisions-affect-parenting-the-case-of-depression/

Meryl Ramirez
 

I am a part-time writer, but full-time mommy to 2 amazingly beautiful and high-strung babies. Being a mother has it's ups and downs, but seeing the smiles on your little ones' faces at the end of the day are enough to make you forget parenting even have downs. :)

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